A long, long time ago, in a faraway land (ten plus years ago, in California), there was a LARP. It was a perfectly good LARP (Vampire: the Masquerade), and I enjoyed it. It was a good place to make friends, and at this point in time, I could walk there.

( Cut here for length, and mention of unwanted sex )

At the time, I assumed that this was our fault, that we should have come up with some way to deal with this in-game.

Looking back, and especially from where I am, and where society is right now, I wonder if any of those men who told us to go deal with it in-game even remember this incident. I remember it. I know that the gal who was playing a Ventrue remembers it. I'm pretty sure that the other women remember it as well.

I remember it as a frustration point. I remember trying to explain that "this is a game" and "we shouldn't be forced to do horrible things just to play" and "I thought this was supposed to be fun". I remember being told that this was the sort of thing that happened in the WoD, and if we had a problem with it, why weren't we bringing it up to X?

We were there to enjoy ourselves. We thought that, if something was wrong, we could bring it up with our GMs. We assumed we would be believed.

This wasn't the reason I left this group. But looking back, I think that this was bigger than I consciously realized. In-game, I had lost all of my power and I had no story. Out-of-game, I was not going to be listened to if I said something that the older, more powerful players disagreed with. Looking back, I'm not at all surprised that I just drifted away.

I kind of want to give my younger self a hug now.