Kidlet entered a phase last week that is likely to occur for a long, long time. She has discovered 'I'm Tired, and I Don't Want to Sleep.' Given that both her parents fall prey to this, I expect it to last for a while. (When she's older, I am imagining on insisting on being in bed with lights out at bedtime. We shall see what happens.)

What it means right now is that she wails, and nothing will comfort her. She makes "food" motions, but refuses food when offered. The play mat does nothing, and cuddles and back pats are five second salves at best. The crying doesn't last for a long time, relatively, but when you have a child screaming in your ear loud enough to make your ears literally ring, five minutes is a very long time. ('Literally' is not used here for emphasis; Kidlet can actually reach a tone that reverberates in my ears. I worry about my hearing, but it's also an intellectually interesting phenomenon.)

So it's 10 am-ish, and it's clear that Kidlet wants to go to sleep and is refusing to do so. There's not much I can do except hold her in the position she keeps falling into and let her cry. (The trust she has in me is astonishing. She lets herself drop off my shoulder, with the assumption that I will have an arm in position to catch her. So far, she's not been wrong.) She curled up in a fetal position, wailing her little heart out.

And in mid-cry, she goes to sleep. 60 to zero.

I am amused.

In related news, wanderingfey and I found Go the F*ck to Sleep in a bookstore. We have not purchased it yet, but may later. We couldn't help it; we laughed the whole way through. Kidlet is not at the stage of the book's child yet, but holy goodness, we related. We so related.

In other kid-related news, I now have Peggy Orenstien's Cinderella Ate My Daughter from the library. I waited for the book for four or six months. I picked it up yesterday. And then, last night, I got a message that the ebook was available. (The book will be going back soon, natch.)

It's a very easy read, but a rather chilling one. It's a reminder of the shoals and waves that still lie ahead to be navigated, a show of the fights to come. It will be...interesting.

In other book news, I have finished Fuzzy Nation, which was definitely as good as Little Fuzzy. I think I prefer Little Fuzzy (and I want to read the others!), but FN is still a lovely little book. I've also been re-reading Mercedes Lackey's retelling of fairly tales, and actually read The Black Swan for the first time. It's very pleasant.

I also finished Kitty's Big Trouble, which I enjoyed more than Kitty Goes to War. At the same time, they do feel a little like Little Fuzzy; it feels that they're too short, that something is missing. I suppose that's what happens when you're used to doorstoppers, but there was still a rushed feel to KBT. It's going to be interesting to see Vaughn wrap up the series.

Now to make some French toast for me. (wanderingfey prepped French toast last night with the brioche bread I got for Shabbat. My cooking last night was homemade oven-baked barbeque chicken, with extra barbeque sauce. It's nice to have good home-cooked food.)

Well, Kidlet is asleep, and I'm not all that interested in dinking about on websites, and I'm stuck at the computer for a while (hands-free pumping: ten thousand times better than holding two bottles to your breasts for 15 minutes!), so I should probably actually write an update.

I am totally not getting enough sleep. People ask me how I'm doing, and I say, "Tired," and they laugh, because they know it's true. But it is true, and more so than I ever believed. I'm running on four to six hours a night. Six would be great, if it were in one block. But it's not; I get three to four hours between 10 and 3, and then it's catch as catch can from that point on. Between pumping, cleaning, and trying to actually fall back asleep before the sun gets so high I can't do it at all, I get one to three more hours. Today was very bad; I probably got 4.5 - 5.5 hours, and I didn't pull out of foggy-headedness until two or so. I'll probably go to bed after this pumping go-round.

Still, Kidlet has learned to smile, and she pulls it out when she sees me looking at her over the crib rails, or on the changing table. I swear to G-d, it's why I don't kill her. She has learned fussiness, and pulled it out at four-thirty or so this morning. Not. Pleasant. But then when I stumbled to her side at 7:40 this morning (after getting her down at 6:40), she smiled up at me, and all of the "Go the F*ck to Sleep" in my heart melted. (To be replaced later that morning when she proceeded to scream in my ear, but that's another story altogether.)

I love romance novels. They are about the speed I can cope with right now, which tells you something about me and something about romance novels. I just finished Mary Jo Putney's One Perfect Rose, which was surprisingly good. Entirely predictable, but the hero's journey and the characterizations of the cast were really quite nice.

I want my books to be happy, right now. Re-reading Jim Butcher's Changes nearly broke my heart. Poor Maggie. Hexk, reading about the heroine's early life in One Perfect Rose also nearly made me cry, and the flashback to the death of the Penderwick children's mother in The Penderwicks of Gardam Street did make me cry.

Pumping time is over, so it's bedtime-ish for me. Good-night!

I am very, very tired. I just finished a water aerobics workout, and had a short dip in the hot tub. I am very, very tired (bedtimes for mes!) but I feel really good. My abs might be a little unhappy, though. A glass of water and then sleep, I think.

I need to figure out how to get over the hurdle of not wanting to go to the gym. I generally like the exercise (a class or 30-some minutes on the ski machine) and I really do like the feeling afterwards. It's getting out of the house that's the hard part.

I'm not going to say that there's no light pollution near us, because that's a blatant lie. But one of the (few?) good things about living in the suburbs is the lessening of light pollution. And the last two night have just been clean, clear, and cold. The night sky is brilliantly black, the moon is gleamingly silver, and the stars are just brilliant. It takes my breath away.

Beautiful.

Facebook makes me want to post here. I post there, and I think, "Your LJ/DW accounts are all lonely for lack of content. Don't you want to fill them up with something vaguely more meaningful than you're willing to post here? Or at least with more words?"

I'm actually all excited to go to the gym tonight. I have a lovely new bathing suit, which shows more cleavage than I want to show anywhere other than Con, but at least everything important is secured and covered. wanderingfey found a place called Torrid in Northgate that sells trendy-ish stuff for larger and curvy women. Most of their stuff is 0-4, and I found that depending on the garment, I fit 0-3 sizes, inclusive. It was odd. But I now have a nice tank top and a great vest (I LOVE VESTS!), and a new pair of jeans. Plus the very nice, very simple swimsuit. (Which, when you look like me, simple is not *simple*, but it can look simple from the outside.)

I also finally got my new glasses. For five years, I have had Californian optometrists say, "Oh no, your vision isn't any different from what your prescription says." Well, when I got my Washington driver's license, I couldn't pass the vision test unless I pressed my glasses up to my eyes. Bad juju. So I went to my new eye doctor, and I very firmly told the assistant that My Eyes Had Changed. And she did one test and said, in essence, "Holy monkey, you are totally not this prescription any more!" It's nice to be believed.

So I now have very pretty safety glasses, and very pretty everyday glasses with the little magnetic sunglasses, because I *really* wanted a pair of sunglasses. And if anyone ever needs prescription safety glasses, I do recommend the See Store out of Group Health. You don't need to be a member, and I bought mine for half or a quarter of the cost of what other people at my work paid.

And it's dinner now, so I will leave this little ramble here.