If you liked Jem back in the 80s, I would give the comics a try. (Especially if your library carries them.) Women come in all shapes and ways, and when you think you know someone, you find that you don't.

Also, I will always recommend Courtney Milan to people who hate toxic masculinity and toxic femininity in their romance. Given your love of Ensign Tilly, I'd recommend the first (The Duchess War) or second (The Heiress Effect) books in her Brothers Sinister series. Both incredibly intelligent women who are definitely self-rescuing ladies. Courtney is a social justice warrior through and through, and her characters are so much better for it. (If you're a Twitter person, check her out there first. Very articulate for such a short space.)